I'm Ruby, a woman who grew up without a father. Dad called God before I was born because tuberculosis acute. Through life without the guidance of a father is a mystery in a man's love of learning. Miss the taste, if considering the father through the utterance of the mother. The father who was never real to me. A man who is never able to touch and caresses. Only through the mother, I know my father, even if only through a string of words.
So curious I'm against love of a father, I am endlessly searching for the love that existed since the time of the school in many men. So many a courting relationship which I pass through, but not true love I've ever tasted. But I never knew how true love of the form itself.
Any disappointment I've experienced from each male during school, made me take the conclusion that man was just the same. Any male in the same bad smell. However, behind it all I still keep a curious how the existence of the love of a man. External it feels is being fought, among the bad experience of the guy with my own curiosity.
Until one when I'm working in entertainment venues, became acquainted with a man. The man who I knew with the name of Bonny, and age on top of me. And it turns out that Bonny is the auditor of the headquarters houses several entertainment venues including the one where I work. Some times the Bonny present to do its job, I feel respect him. Initially sympathetic to Exchange phone numbers, my connection quickly.
To me, Bonny is the figure of man I'm looking for. The guy who cooked and adulthood. At a time when I was confused in my life, always give me Bonny discourse discourse-full of wisdom. Unwittingly, I'm more comfortable and felt hanging with its existence. Unfortunately, the limited time of our meeting because we only meet when Bonny was assigned to my workplace.
I am getting increasingly ventured to give attention to it. Later I got the information that Bonny already has a partner. I was stunned to hear it, regret poking in heart. But I tried to ignore the information because when I give signals of concern, Benny greet me with positive. So finally a form of attention me and Bonny ended up in bed. I know it's wrong but I missed him so much. And this is repeated for a few times.
After some time, Bonny stated to me to stop our habits. With reason, he cannot betrayed his spouse. Thus, who is I betrayed? I have nobody. I had time to protest, but i cannot be selfish too. Because I also know the consequences when I made some decisions to connect with Bonny. Occurred in mind, like to grab Bonny from her lover, but I'm embarrassed. Shame on God. Bonny is already too well made me. I do not want to hurt by destroying him.
Bonny's decision made me lost. Felt myself dirty. Question on God, why am I fared like this? Always fall on wrong man. Although together with Bonny, I really felt the love of a man. However, looking at the reality of now, I'm really sad. Like I'm the only one who suffered on this earth.
As it turns out, although I've met up with Bonny, I still feel empty. I do not know what I have to do. When the program my grief has not been lost. Parting with Bonny makes me unable to move on. Knowing Bonny was married, it was already dull pain. I shouted, "God please what happened to me?" "I've not willing to through all of this...."
Lust always obscured the real purposes
Devil's nature steal, deceive, and destroy. So beware!!
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